


Everything Breaks

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 09:56:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17020491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: After Civil War, Tony reaches breaking point but without you there to pick him up how will he cope?





	Everything Breaks

The room was dark. Not that ‘everything is pitch black and you’d probably walk into something’ dark but that kind when you’re lay in bed, unable to sleep at 3 am and staring at the ceiling kinda dark. The dark that seems to weigh heavy on you and is made up of all those wrong decisions, the bad choices, the things you should or shouldn’t have said. This was the insidious darkness that begins to seep into you until you feel transparent as if you are nothing more than part of the darkness. Sitting at his desk, screens all blank, lamps shut off, he allowed the darkness to fold around him. 

He would give up everything to change this, to eradicate all the terrible decisions that had led him and everyone he cared about to this point. Every day of his existence was now spent in constant pain and fear knowing that he would sacrifice himself just for the chance to see you again. To see your smile, your laugh, hell to have you yell at him for still being sat here in his lab in the early hours of the morning. He could still feel you, your presence. You were so ingrained in everything he did it was like your ghost followed him wherever he went. An exquisite torture of his own devising. He wasn’t sure which was worse, the constant feeling of you having just left the room he had walked into or when he no longer felt you there at all. You were his anchor, his reason, his focus. You were the closest to heaven that he would ever be and the loss of you made his soul ache. 

The light system worked on sensors, and he hadn’t moved for quite some time. His mind taunted him with memories. The happy ones were the worst; they were the ones that brought the tears to his eyes knowing what he had lost, what he had given away. He hadn’t eaten for days, mainlining caffeine and alcohol in equal measures. There was a general clamor for him to be seen, a press conference or something just to reassure people, but he hadn’t left this room. How could he reassure anyone? The world was shit, and there was no escaping the never-ending cycle of crap that rained down and ruined your life. Everything he loved, everything he tried to protect, gone. He had nobody else to blame; it was all his own doing. 

He couldn’t fight his tears any longer. His shoulders heaved as he sobbed silently into his hands. He had honestly thought he was out of tears and yet here they came once again. It was no longer cathartic; they didn’t wash away the pain or offer any relief. All of the times he had said you would leave, all the arguments when he accused you of siding with Steve over him, those moments of truth in his lies which he had tried to use to hurt you, they didn’t seem real anymore. Nothing felt real. It was like his entire time with you had been nothing but some movie he had seen once, half-remembered and out of sequence leaving him numb. The only reason he knew he was still here, that he hadn’t completely disappeared from existence, was the constant ache in his chest.

Tony wanted to hide. He didn’t want the world to see him for who he really was. They all had this idea of him being cool and strong and together when really, he was held together by anxiety and alcohol. His father had been right. Tony Stark was a disappointment. 

The lights flickered on and Tony frowned. “Not now Vision.” His voice was broken, just a shadow of the act he put on for everyone else. Looking up at the doorway when there was no reply, he squinted through his tears, a frown appearing as he got to his feet. Wiping his cheek with the back of his hand he took a step forward, gripping onto his desk as his legs gave out. 

You rushed forward, wrapping your arms around him. When Rhodey had called and told you just how bad things were, you knew you had to go back. So what if they arrested you? Tony needed you, and that was where you belonged. Kneeling on the concrete floor with your arms wrapped tightly around him as he clung to you as if you might disappear if he gave an inch, you placed soft kisses to the top of his head. 

He felt like he couldn’t breathe like if he moved even a fraction, he would find that this was all a dream, another sleep deprived illusion. "I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.“ He whispered over and over through his tears. He felt your fingers roaming through his hair, heard your heartbeat as he rested his head against your chest.

"I’ve got you. I’m right here Tony. Not going anywhere.” Your voice sounded so sure, so certain and as he tried to match his breathing to yours, he felt a little calmer. Feeling his breathing become steadier, you risked moving slightly. Cupping his face, you brought his red-rimmed eyes up to look at yours. He looked so much older and careworn than the last time you had seen him, and your heart ached for all he must have been through. "I see you, Anthony Stark. You are a beautiful, broken mess. You are also resourceful, funny, loyal, caring…"

“I’m not. I’m a screw-up. Just look at me.” His lower lip trembled, and you rested your forehead against his.

“You’ve never been a screw-up. Not once in all the time I’ve known you. I know who you are.” You asserted.

“And who is that?” he asked quietly, his eyes closing as your thumbs traced soft circles on his cheeks.

“You are my Tony. The man who feels too much and tries to fix the problems of the world all by himself. The kindest, sweetest, most amazing man I have ever met, and I know Captain America, so that really is saying something.“ You smirked, relieved to see him mirror your expression. "I’m not going anywhere. I’ll see if I can cut a deal, house arrest here or something, but I am not leaving you.” You felt his body relax and he nodded, exhaustion finally catching up with him.

“We can discuss all that in the morning. Let’s just go to bed?” he looked at you a little uncertainly.

“Let’s go to bed.” You agreed, although neither of you moved from your embrace. For now, you were both where you needed to be.


End file.
